Speed of Light

Last night my spirit beckoned me to run as if something awaited me or should be witnessed in the darkness. Although I did not go, a similar feeling suddenly returns tonight.

Physically, I sit still.

Inside, I feel my spirit move. A wind teases my fur.

I'm rushing forward. My spirit is a streak of light moving at lightspeed.

The stars and galaxies blur around me, creating a tunnel of color and light.

All is light and energy!

I don't know my destination, but that doesn't really worry me.

I'm no longer lost or searching for something in the dark.

I might finally have a destination.

But what has caused these feelings and inner shifts or journeys? I feel that the physical world and the people around me, including recent events, have catalyzed my spiritual state.

It's the small things. They have the greatest impact. A glance, a second of eye-contact, body position and body language can actually be the strongest communicators, trasmitting the greatest amount of information.

It's my spirit now having the ability to react with the spirits of others. Or rather, a stronger ability to recognize and understandhowmy spirit reacts to those around me. I might also understandwhymy spirit reacts the way it does to stimuli and why that makes me feel the way I do.

I feel held, lifted up by an energy that is warm and encouraging.

I stand taller, more confident, more aware of my surroundings.

My spirit soars through space now.

Within minutes, I have traveled an incomprehensible distance.

Farther than ever before. So far I can't possibly go back.

And I'm okay with that truth.

.....There is only forward.....being guided by something that calls to me, tugs on me.....

I can't know what the outcome will be, but I can't be afraid to find out.

Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could slow my momentum. I can't stop the events that have been set in motion.....but that doesn't really worry me either....

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Voices of the Spirits

Lakota Words of Wisdom

"It is important to walk in balance and live in harmony although people today have lost that balance."

"Everything has its own song. When you have spiritual knowledge, you will learn to hear those songs. For instance, the rocks and colors sing; the fire has a song; so do the earth, the water, the green leaves and grass. There are songs in all life forms -- four-legged, two legged, and even creeping-crawler creatures."

All things have a voice. All things speak to us, but we rarely choose to listen. It's hard to hear the Earth and animals as they whisper to us these days. Humans create a lot of noice in this modern world, including vehicle motors, tires against the pavement, trains, cell phones, music, electronics, TV's, computer, and more. The hardest noise to quiet is our own voices, whether talking out loud or holding conversation with ourselves, in our own minds. All of these things distract us, separate us from the quieter sounds of the Earth.

The Earth is always sending signals and messages to us. If we could learn to be silent and open our minds, the messages of the creatures and spirits around us could be heard. The trees and plants sigh and creak in the wind. The grass rustles and flowers sing softly. Birds chirp and sing. The Earth is always speaking. She's alive, reaching out to those who will listen.

The world is filled with mystery and secrets that can be discovered. I believe there is still magic here. Spirits surround me, and they all have stories and lessons to share. Being closer to the Earth and all the beings around me is not an easy thing to achieve in this fast-paced hectic life, but it is a life goal that I am setting for myself. I want to find balance and harmony with everything around me.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

The Cave

My dream from last night still has me wondering about all the symbolism and meaning that was possibly included. It is a dream that I will think about often in the days, weeks, and possibly months to come.

I don't remember all of the dream. The first half is unclear or forgotten. I know I was in a Native American village. An elder or shaman was guiding me through the village. He pointed out objects, herbs, and other things which were important as we walked. I might have met several people, but I only remember the warrior. After we had met, he began to follow the shaman and me.

The day was sunny with a few clouds, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the nearby oak trees. The seasons were changing, like they are now, and fall was approaching.

The shaman led me and the warrior to a river. A canoe waited there for us. The warrior stepped in first and took up a paddle. It was his duty to ensure my safe journey. I also got into the canoe, but the shaman was not going with us. He pointed at a cave nearby that went deep into the opposite bank. 

The shaman said, "To understand the meaning of life and to know your true self, you must first die and be reborn. You must go there and face your fears."

The warrior began to paddle across the river towards the cave. As we entered and the light faded, the dream came to an end.

I don't think the shaman was refering to an actual death. Entering the cave is more likely symbolic, like a vision quest. It is a time of reflection. I agree with the shaman that I have fears which I need to face. They are holding me back and keeping me from having as fulfilled a life as possible. Some little fears are faced each and every day. But I know of some larger fears that will come later in the future. They all have a proper time at which I will need to confront them.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

A Dying World

This dream began at college, in class, with some people that I know. Later, we were at the beach, and that's when it got a little strange. I walked away from the others and was exploring the beach. Many people were there swimming and playing, doing ordinary activities. I changed into a wolf, and no one seemed to notice as I walked along, heading up a large dune.

As I approached the top, the sand didn't feel the same under my feet. I lowered my nose to the ground and smelled a terrible odor. Flocks of seagulls and other birds clearly stayed there often. The sand was covered with their feces. It made me uneasy and hesitant, but I moved forward. At the top of the dune, I saw a bird on its nest. I wanted to chase it, but I stopped myself. Something wasn't right. The bird should have been more alert, and it should have flown away. I was able to get a little closer and saw that the bird was malformed and sick. I kept my distance and moved on.

A few other interesting events occurred on the beach, but I don't want this description to be too long. So I will skip to the part where the dream environment changed. I was now running along a paved road through some woods. I startled a deer and once again wanted to take chase. But something told me not to as it leaped deeper into the trees, away from the road. I think the deer might have also seemed a little sick, like the bird.

As I continued to run, the trees became smaller. They appeared to be young, but I think it was because the soil was bad, not allowing them to grow properly. A large truck, loaded with recently cut trees, entered the road ahead of me. The sounds it made frightened me. The fumes from the truck, of diesel and grease, filled my nose. I coughed and felt choked. I was saddened by the sight, but kept running. Even though the truck disappeared, the smells lingered in the air. Something also wasn't right about the trees and plants. They all looked unhealthy. I began to feel scared and unsure of where I was.

That's when a large black wolf appeared from the woods. He took the lead in front of me, and I had confidence in him. I recognized this wolf as my spirit guide, who has appeared in many of my dreams before. I stayed close to him, pushing myself to run faster when I fell behind. I didn't want to loose my guide. I needed to show him that I could keep up with his pace.

The road became rough and deteriorated. There was no longer forest to either side. It has been replaced by thick growth of brambles and weeds, as if the land had been clear-cut. As I followed my guide, we started to meet sad, dejected wolves along the way. Each was curled up tightly on the ground, as if they had lost their will to live and were simply waiting to die.

Each time we came to one, my guide would touch his muzzle to the other and lick the wolf, encouraging it to get up. My guide was trying to restore their spirits, and he was asking them to join us. Soon, a pack had formed behind me as we ran and followed the black wolf.

But the landscape grew increasingly dark. It wasn't ordinary clouds that kept the sun from shining. It was smog and filth that filled the air. The ground turned to slick mud. All the plants were wilted and on the verge of death, struggling to live in the putrid environment. At this point, my guide slowed his pace. He carefully stepped on leaves, remaining patches of grass, and anything that helped keep his feet from sinking deep into the mud. "Watch your step," he warned us. "The ground here is poison."

We continued forward slowly. I don't know our destination. I don't know why we were in such a place. Perhaps it was our duty to find the source of the pollutants and try healing the land.

I've also thought that the landscape might reflect something inside of myself that needs to be cleansed and healed. But there is hope in my dream. In previous dreams when my guide had appeared, I had been unable to follow him to where he was going. This time I was able to run and keep up with him. But I also shouldn't ignore the warning he gave me. I need to be cautious and watch my step.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Flying with a Red-Tailed Hawk

The shrill sound of a hawk's call woke me up today. For many hours its cry periodically filled the air. Each time, my heart beat a little faster as if with anticipation of the Unknown. The hawk's voice was moving and powerful, but I went outside and also watched the bird of prey circle above the trees. It moved so easily and gracefully in the wind. Its freedom inspired my spirit, and I felt elation at the sight of the effortless glide. As I stood there, I noticed the hawk's wing movements changing.

A special display was about to be perfomed. The hawk folded its wings close to its body, remained suspended for a blink of the eye, and began to freefall. As the dive began, my heart raced with the hawk in a flood of joy and adrenaline. I almost couldn't believe I was witness to this beautiful act of nature as the hawk transformed into a plummeting white speck as its feathers reflected the afternoon sun.

I wondered what it would be like. Did the hawk understand that the dive could be the difference between life and death as it aimed for a potential meal? The precise, instinctual movements of the hawk were amazing to watch. I have glimpsed this sacred event and feel blessed. This day has been a blessing, and I am thankful.

As a totem the hawk symbolizes power, magic, and it serves as a messenger between this world and the spirit realm. It holds the key to a higher level of consciousness. The hawk awakens vision and inspires a creative life purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within life: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual forces.

The shrillness of Hawk's call pierces the state of unawareness and asks us to seek the truth.

Hawk tells us to remember that all gifts are equal in the eyes of the Great Spirit.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Fighting Spirit of the Wolf

I will try to remember as much as possible about the dream I had last night and describe it with detail.

I was standing in a sandy arena. Other soldier were lined up on either side of me. A king sat at one end, towards my left. A ceremony was taking place in his honor. The setting seemed to be Medieval from the looks of clothing and armor. I was among the knights and warriors there to protect and serve the king. 

The festivities continued as planned. The king ordered us to march in the arena. Men dressed in bright colors were probably clowns and performers. As the king became drunk, he ordered them to join our ranks and march too. He and the audience laughed and enjoyed themselves.

Until the situation changed. Spectators began to scream and scatter. Enemy soldiers rushed into the arena. They were clearly after the king, but we were alert and prepared. Swords were out in seconds and fighting erupted.

I was right in the middle of it, unafraid. Swords clashed and rang as soldiers grunted and yelled. The arena was also becoming dark. Late afternoon was upon us. Night was approaching, and there was a lot of dust in the air. I fought well. A couple enemies were quickly cut down. More took their place. I parried, spun, and killed another. I grappled with one soldier, threw him to the ground, and finished him.

As I stood and looked for my next opponent, a sword stabbed my chest. With one hand, I held the blade, preventing my attacker from pulling it away. With my sword in the other hand, I fought on fiercely. Soon, after two or three cuts, my foe was down. But I was bleeding, weakened, and stumbling.

I think it was also at this point that I started to feel the wolf within calling to me. My hand was still gripping the sword protruding from my chest. I gritted my teeth, pulled, and the blade slowly emerged, slick with blood. The pain buckled my knees. I fell back. The swords, released from my limp hands, landed beside me.

I remember feeling very much like a wolf during the dream, almost as if I was transformed. A wolf might have also come to watch over me. This most likely happened as I lay on the ground in pain, feeling my breaths get slow and labored as I died.

I saw the fight continue, but it was almost over. There were very few soldiers remaining. The arena was must darker. I felt sand under my cheek and hands. Dead bodies were all around me. As my eyes closed, the feeling of being a wolf was the strongest. I think it is the wolf spirit that would not give up or die. My life was not meant to end there.

I don't know how long I slept or was unconscious. Perhaps it was for centuries. As I opened my eyes, I found myself in a modern setting. To be more specific, I was on the floor of my grandmother's house. I was still in some pain. Slowly, I moved stiff, aching muscles and sat up. A sword was also on the floor, within reach. It frightened me. I looked down at my shirt. There was no blood or hole in the fabric. But when I stretched the collar down, a healing white scar was on my chest.

I carefully stood. I heard my grandmother coming into the house, snatched up the sword, and found a place to hide it. The dream ended there.

The pain and being stabbed had seemed very realistic. Upon waking, I did look at my chest. No white scar, but there is a red rash where one had not been yesterday. Maybe I was bitten by a mosquitoe or something in the night as I slept, causing my mind to fabricate my death. Or maybe it's something more. The mind is powerful, and sometimes what we imagine does have small physical effects on the body. Of course, I can't know for sure. I just try to think of multiple possibilities.

I do believe that this dream is a sign of the strong wolf spirit within. Even when our physical bodies die, the soul remains.

"There is no death. Only a change of worlds." - Chief Seattle, Dwamish Tribe

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Wolf Mother

I  keep thinking about a dream I had last night.

I was with my Mom and her parents. Being with my family starts out pleasant enough. I think we have gathered to eat lunch, but at some point things start to feel strange to me. After eating, we are walking outside. A sunny day begins to turn cloudy. A couple stray dogs come into the yard. One attacks me, but I growl and fight back. When things settle down, I realize I've been wrestling with an adolescent wolf.

A think heavy fog rolls into the yard. It's hard to see my Mom and grandparents across the yard. That's when a large grey female wolf comes up beside me. She says I fought well with her pup, and I have potential. She tells me now is the time to leave my human family if I want to become a wolf. The two pups with her are friendly and seem hopeful that I choose to go with them.

At this point, the dream gets strange. I move through the thick fog towards my Mom. I guess to speak with her as I decide to stay or go with the wolves. But as I get closer, I see that she is holding a baby. This confuses me. Lightning strikes, or a fire is started somehow. The baby is badly burned and injured. I'm frightened. Mom is also scared and crying. I think I try to talk to her, but she doesn't hear me or see me.

At this point, I decide I no longer have a place with my Mom or the people I've known. I don't belong there any more, and I follow the wolves. I recall howling in the dream. It was probably during this time. The grey female becomes my new mother, and she teaches me all I need to know.

Another part of the dream occurs during a hunt. The female and I are in a meadow. We have been unable to catch anything for a couple days, and we are hungry. The female tells me to be quiet and patient. She tells me to listen to the grass and the plants around us. They would help us locate the pray. The Earth provides everything we need. A short while later, we are able to hear the grass moving because of hidden birds, and we eat well that day.

There are parts of this dream which are confusing. I don't understand the whole thing, but other parts seem very important. There are lessons to be remembered, and I believe it means some major changes might happen in my life soon.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

A Dream of Magic and Power

This dream was a series of events. There were jumps and and skips in the dream, but I believe it was all linked together. I’m not exactly sure in what order things happened, so I will try to remember what I can.


A middled-aged man and woman are looking for someone or something. They talked to other people, asking for directions. This couple had a younger woman with them, and I believe she was me. I am the woman because I see from her point of view. We eventually find a couple men to help us. We are in a vehicle when we come to a shopping center. The lights are going off. The store is closing, and people are scurrying to purchase food. Others are stealing it and running away. The men helping us also steal some food.


Maybe I should go backwards though. I remember a part of the dream where I’m in a dim room like a bar, except it’s mostly empty. There is one counter where a couple guards sit. I’m at a lone table, sitting and coloring a drawing. I have a backpack next to me. At the back of the room, I sense another person. He is completely in shadow. I can’t see him, but I don’t like how he makes me feel. I know he is watching me. I start to feel like it is time to leave. I believe I entered the place willingly, but I could be wrong. It’s also possible that I was being held captive, because I sneak out during a disturbance. The guards go outside to check on something they have seen on surveillance cameras.


Maybe at this point, the older lady and gentleman help me. It’s also at this point that I begin to realize something bad is happening. There is like a war starting, and we look for a safer place to stay.


The man leads us to a house, and he talks to a guard there, convincing him that we are friends of the master or owner of the house. This new man is strange in a way, but he is also kind. I think he is actually someone quite powerful, like a magician or wizard, but those aren’t really the best words to describe him. He always has plenty of food. The chocolate pasteries are my favorites. The oddest and most noticeble thing is the interior of the house. It is all shades of blue. The painter, as I will now call him, continuously repaints the rooms of the house. The shades of blue are the most beautiful, painted in intricate, expressive patterns.


One day as I watch him paint, I ask him why he only uses blue. He says it is because he is poor. That is the only color he can buy, or it is the only color people don’t use often. I tell him that one day, I will buy him more colors. He simply nods and smiles. I think I begin to fall in love with the painter of few words. After being in the house for a while, I begin to understand that he is creating a protective barrier by constantly changing the rooms. All the symbols and patterns he paints change the energy in and around the house. He is keeping us hidden.
Something goes wrong though. The dream does not end peacefully. One day, soldiers find the house. 


The painter tells the older couple and me that it’s not safe any more. The house seems to crumble around us. I remember being on cliffs over a waterfall. The cliffs were breaking apart too because the soldiers were attacking. Then, beautiful, calming music filled my ears. It penetrated my spirit and lifted me upward. I transformed into a bird. I didn’t really have a physical body. I was spirit. I was soaring and flying away from the danger. It was one of the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. It was like flying through a rainbow. I was free! But not for very long. The painter had probably put the spell on me and the couple so we could escape. I did fly for a long distance, but when I turned to fly into space, a voice told me I couldn’t go that far. I had to return.


It’s as if I blinked, and I was flying above the desert. Red mesas and cliffs passed by below me. I was back in my human body. I think the older couple was flying too, but the painter wasn’t there. Someone else had taken his place.


Below, I saw more soldiers on horses. The horses were able to run and jump almost vertically across the mesas and cliffs. They were clearly chasing us. At this point, I understand that some person was trying to take control of the land. In order to accomplish that goal, he needed to find and destroy the powerful protectors of the land. Again, they are similar to wizards. They are strong and use some form of magic and energy manipulation.


I blink again. I’m sitting in a room beside a powerful, dark man. He seems to be cloaked in shadow like a dark silhouette. But I’m not afraid of him. I think I’m actually glad to be there. But I’m also feeling guilty. By being there, I have put this man at risk. The person trying to conquer the land has found this shadowed man’s hidden fortress. He is using his energy to keep us safe, but the soldiers are breaking through his defenses. The rooms shake. I see the older couple there too, across the room. They have done their best and protected me as long as they could, but they can’t do anything against the combined strength of all the soldiers. 


My new protector, the stranger beisde me, has his arm tightly around me. I feel tired and my head is on his shoulder. I’m causing him to be in danger. His face comes close to mine. A hood he wears puts me in shadow too. He holds a device that shows the remaining strength of the defenses around the fortress. The number of green bars decreas as explosions cause more shaking damage.


We don’t have much time he says in a deep, calm voice. The soldiers are coming soon, but he seems unafraid while I tremble. But I could be trembling because he is closer to me now. He puts away the useless device he had to monitor the fortress. His hand clasps mine. Our lips almost touch.


But I still feel guilty for leading the soldiers to this man. I turn to a window and look down on the struggling soldiers. The magic, though weakened, is killing many of them. Horses leap away screaming and rider-less down the red mesa cliffs.


The man is silently, patiently watching me. I face him, and he leans in toward me. Our lips touch tentatively at first. Soon, he is hugging and kissing me strongly.


The soldiers are approaching. The fortress is almost defenseless. Yet this strange man seems unworried. I don’t know what he has planned, but giving up and being captured clearly isn’t part of that plan. Unfortunately, I don’t know what happens next. That’s where I woke up, with intense kisses slowly fading from my lips.


Looking back, I feel like the painter and the mysterious man, dressed in the deepest black and masked in shadow were possibly the same person. Being a painter was possibly a disguise, and the other form showed this man’s true power and determination. It was clear that he is capable of affection and caring for me. However, there was something sad about him. It seemed like I was the only person who ever understood him or accept him for his powers and how he truly was as a person. I also don’t know why I needed the protection, but maybe the tyrant trying to conquer the land knew I was this other man’s love or that he cared deeply for me. Maybe that’s why he was sad and also guilty. His power and resposibility to fight and defend the land had put me in danger.


I could probably some up with some other therories, but I honestly don’t know for sure. It was just a dream. But it was a dream I kind of wish was real. I kind of wish I could have stayed and died beside this man, but maybe I should be careful what I wish for.


*heavy sigh* 


Maybe in some alternate universe that powerful shadowed man is fighting an epic battle. I wish him a glorious victory. Maybe he will come find me one day...


Yeah...Back to reality. I have class work to finish.


Sweet Dreams



Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Guarded by a Wolf and Surrounded by Dreams

My day started out like usual, waking up for class. Then I remembered the dream, which was unsettling. I think I was shown some of my weaknesses, but in the end I stood up for what I believed. I want to interpret my actions in the dream as listening to my instincts. When I felt uncomfortable and sensed that something was wrong, I ran. It's been a long time since I've needed to run like that. But I needed to escape and get far away. I'm not sure where I ran to, but I think I was headed to a safer place.

Just a couple hours ago, I decided to watch a movie titled Lady Hawke. It's a very beautiful movie. Maybe it just had me emotional and overreacting, but I started to cry. I've had the feeling before that a wolf has taken my soul for safe keeping. Well, not really taken, but I feel guarded and protected by a wolf. As I thought about this, I continued to cry a little.

I also felt like screaming and howling, but I had a dream once where that happened. In that dream I destroyed the world. I don't want the world to end yet. So I cried silently and held back the screams and howls.

My emotions still hadn't played out yet. Thinking about wolves made me remember another dream. I was in the city, walking down the road, and people were staring at me. It was because four or five white wolves were following me. I came to a stop in a parking garage. Too many people were watching, and the wolves needed to leave. They turned and faded into the shadows. But one lingered.

I kneeled and beckoned to him. He slowly approached and allowed me to pet his neck. He said he had something to give me. I held out my hands, and a small pouch dropped from the wolf's mouth into them. He said I must not open the pouch. I needed to search for and find something else. He couldn't tell me anymore and disappeared.

So I walked through the city all night searching for something. I didn't know where I was going or why. I just had the pouch given to me by the white wolf. I finally climbed to the top of a building, and it seemed like a dead end. I didn't know where else to go. But there was a man there. It seemed like a strange place to find another person.

He asked what I was doing there. I said I was searching for something, and it seemed like I was lost. He offered to help me and asked if I had any clues or anything that might point the way. All I had was the pouch, and if I remember correctly, I let him see it after some hesitation. I believe I told him it couldn't be opened. The end of the dream is fuzzy. I'm not sure if this happened or not, but I think he told me not to be afraid. Then, we might have opened the pouch together.

I'm not sure what was inside. That I don't remember. But after thinking about it, maybe it contained some courage, hope, and trust. Or maybe we climbed down from the building and continued on the quest together.

Either way, I feel better after writing this. I'm not crying any more. I don't know what it means, but I believe that it does have a meaning. Everything is connected and has a purpose.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter