About Me

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bear Dream


My mate and I were walking along a two-lane road through the woods. Soon, we reached the edge of a small town. We approached a couple of kids, and they pointed out a mother black bear and her three young cubs. The mother and one of the cubs was in a yard eating berries from a bush near a house. The two other cubs were on the other side of the road, afraid to walk across the hard pavement.

I slowly made my way across the street, around some trees and shrubs, and got behind the two cubs. I waved my arms in the air and made loud noises. The cubs became more afraid of me and joined their mother and sibling. I was content and found myself back and my mate's side. We watched the bears quietly, but the mother was becoming nervous as more people gathered around.

She began to lead her cubs away from the house when a crowd of people arrived. This part of the dream was less clear, but these people must have harassed and frightened her. They didn't want her near the town. I think she had started for the woods on the other side of a field. She was leaving, but the people continued to follow her, yelling and screaming. They went too far. She must have turned around and charged at them because she felt the need to protect herself and her cubs. I know that no human was harmed. Her charge was brief before she turned and ran for the woods again, following her cubs. But a man had a gun. He shot her in the back of the head.

I was horrified at what was happening. So many people were yelling and screaming. The man that shot her saddled his horse. He tied a rope around her neck, and disrespectfully dragged her body back to the yard. Other people patted him on the back, congratulating him, and thanking him. I was disgusted. How could they brag about what they had done?

This innocent bear was dead. Her cubs were alone and would probably starve. I was beginning to cry as I stared at the limb body, which had been filled with life and love. She had only been feeding her family and trying to protect them. I stared at the bloody hole in her head. I saw the shattered skull. I was crying as I walked over to her. I kneeled down next to the body. I hugged her and ran my fingers through her fur. I closed her eyes. Many of the people around me were confused at my actions, but I felt like my own mother had been killed. I didn't care what they thought.

Thankfully, not all of the people there were celebrating the bear's death. Natives had arrived. They were moved by my tears. They brought offerings, moved the bear to a proper location, and began to build a pyre around her. Drummers and dancers appeared. They began to dance and sing. The man responsible for the bear's death and many other people wandered away, thinking the ceremony was silly. I watched as the body burned into the night, my mate holding me close and offering me comfort.

Near the end of the dream a strange man walked over to me. He looked mostly white, but I understand that the Natives respected him for his knowledge, beliefs, and way of living, which was similar to their own. He looked me in the eye. His voice was sincere. “There aren't many people like you left in the world who feel connected to the animals. And the time you've spent with wolves truly makes your spirit unique. Don't forget that.” He slowly walked away. I had never seen this man before. How did he know about the wolves?

The Natives continued to dance and sing to the drums. The fire continued to burn, setting the bear's spirit free from the physical body. My dream faded into blackness, then gray, and I slowly woke up. The dream was vivid and left me with a strange feeling. It was very powerful and emotional. I suppose its lesson and meaning will reveal themselves to me on a future date.


Aubrey Wolf Daughter 

Friday, January 22, 2010

Second Chance

Second Chance

They want me to stay.
Their words held me back years ago,
Their words try to convince me now,
But the memories of this place are
      Filled with Pain
      Filled with Fear
      Filled with Regret
I vowed not to endure again.
Everything threatens to trap me here.
And I don't deserve a second chance.

But my spirit beckoned me
      To a distant place
      Where I found a missing part of myself.

He wants me to live.
His words set me free each day,
His words call to me gently,
And new memories are forming
      Filled with Happiness
      Filled with Promises
      Filled with Love
We vowed to protect forever.
Everything leads to freedom there.
And I have been given a second chance
      To fix my mistakes
      And not take Love for granted.


Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Crow Medicine

I dreamed of Crow last night and wanted to share some information about Crow as a totem and spirit guide.


Crow Medicine
 
There is a medicine story that tells of Crow’s fascination with her own shadow. She kept looking at it, scratching it, pecking it, until her shadow woke up and became alive. Then Crow’s shadow ate her. Crow is Dead Crow now.
 
Dead Crow is the Left-Handed Guardian. If you look deeply into Crow’s eyes, you will have found the gateway to the super-natural. Crow knows the unknowable mysteries of creation and is the keeper of all sacred law.
 
Since Crow is the keeper of sacred law, Crow can bend the laws of the physical universe and “shape shift.” This ability is rare an unique. Few adepts exist in today’s world, and fewer still have mastered Crow’s art of shape shifting. This art includes doubling, or being in two places at one time consciously; taking on another physical form, and becoming the “fly on the wall” to observe what is happening far away. Crow medicine people are masters of illusion.
 
All sacred texts are under protection of Crow. Creator’s Book of Laws or Book of Seals is bound in Crow feathers. Crow feathers tell of spirit made flesh. Crow is also the protector of the “ogallah” or ancient records.
 
The law which states that “all things are born of women” is signified by Crow.
 
Children are taught to behave according to the rules of a particular culture. Most orthodox religious systems create a mandate concerning acceptable behavior within the context of worldly affairs. Do this and you will go to heaven. Do thus and you will go to hell. Different formulas for salvation are demanded by each “true faith.”
 
However, human law is not the same as Sacred Law. More so than any other medicine, Crow sees that the physical world and even the spiritual world, as humanity interprets them, are an illusion.
 
There are an infinitude of creatures. Great Spirit is within all. If an individual obeys Crow’s perfect laws as given by the Creator, then at death he or she dies a Good Medicine Death and goes on to the next incarnation with a clear memory of his or her past.
 
Crow is an omen of change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time. The Ancient Chiefs tell us that Crow sees simultaneously the three fates—past, present, and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner and outer reality.
 
Crow medicine signifies a firsthand knowledge of a higher order of right and wrong than that indicated by the laws created in human culture. With Crow medicine, a person can speak in a powerful voice when addressing issues that are out of harmony, out of balance, or unjust.
 
Allow personal integrity to be your guide, and the sense of being alone will vanish. Personal will can emerge so that you can stand in truth. The path of Crow people is to be mindful of opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life’s mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self. Allow the bending of physical laws to aid in creating the shape shifted world of peace.

Information taken from the book, "The Discovery of Power through the Ways of Animals" by Jamie Sams and David Carson.



Walk softly and thanks for reading.


*howls*

Aubrey Wolf Daughter


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Dream of a Black City


A wealthy royal family lives in seclusion from the impoverished world below their ornate palace. The prison is nothing but a barren fenced in field, with no shade or shelter from the elements, where wrongfully accused peasants slowly die. Beyond the barren field an untouched forest holds promises of freedom and a new life.
“Shut up,” I grumble under my breath at the two clumsy men trying to cut the magically electrified fence. “I don’t know how you managed to get back here without being noticed.”
“We’re not getting out of here,” another woman beside me said with her arms crossed and a bored look on her face.
A third man appeared. “You should be able to cut it now. Hurry up.”
They begin to cut the fence with large sheers, but don’t get very far before patrolling guards come around the corner and shout. The men run for their lives towards the forest. I run too, heading for the end of the prison. With the charge still disabled, I scramble over the fence, along with the other woman who had been beside me. Other prisoners, those with the strength to run, have also rushed the fence.
I catch up with the three men, and the five of us continue running for the forest. A steep hill blocks our path, but we are determined to escape and start to climb. Half way up, an alarm sounds from the prison. Screams come from the stragglers seconds later as a deadly spell, resembling a wall of water, crashes down on them. We don’t stop and climb the spruce covered hill high enough to avoid the first magical attack, but we know another will soon follow. We reach the top and quickly scramble down, sliding on dry needles that cover the ground and stumbling over dead branches.
I’m startled by a noise behind me like a horrendous wind blowing through the trees. I turn around to see what’s going to kill me. To my surprise, a native woman with long black hair dressed in deer skins stands in front of me. She glows with a white light that holds back another magical attack. She takes a few steps forward and stretches out her arms. That’s when I notice the limp body of a juvenile white wolf. I wonder if it is wounded or asleep.
The woman speaks in a soft, wise voice. She tells me to take the wolf and that it will protect me. I reach out to accept the wolf. The light around her grows brighter, more intense, and it envelops me as I shut my eyes. When the light suddenly disappears, I open my eyes again only too see the sky through the tree limbs. My friends call out to me from the bottom of the hill. Their voices bring me out of my stunned state, and I dash down after them.
We ran through the woods for a few minutes and broke through to the shore of a lake. A large tall ship constructed of a golden-colored wood and golden sails was anchored near the shore. No other people seemed to be around. The ship was unguarded. We went aboard to search for food and supplies. Two of the guys went below. The other, along with me and the other woman stayed on deck. (Sadly, I don’t remember any names from my dream.) The other woman suddenly began to yell from the helm. “It’s moving on its own! I can’t control it!”
The ship had detached itself from the moorings and moved out into deeper water. The other two men rushed back to deck. “I can’t control it!” the woman yelled again, unable to move the wheel. There was nothing we could do to stop the ship, and we were in for an even greater surprise. The golden ship lifted up from the water and took to the air. We were flying over the trees and hills. We didn’t know where the ship was taking us or why, but we had no choice.

 My friends and I had imagined escaping to an endless wilderness, but we quickly realized how wrong we had been. After a few hours of flying, the forest turned into a barren dead landscape. Only patches of brambles and thorns grew, and those looked more brown than green.
The trees were either burned to black charcoal or cut so that only stumps remained. The water changed from clear blue to black, as if the rivers and lakes held tar and oil instead of water. The sky turned from blue to grey. The world was no longer one we were familiar with. We’d had no idea this existed, and we all wondered what had happened. What could have caused the destruction of so much land?

 Our answer revealed itself sooner than we’d hoped. The ship rose over a hill and we were suddenly able to see the form of a massive black city that took up the entire side of a mountain. Below, thousands of people were gathered in front of what was noticeably a ruler of some kind. More noticeable were the number of guards and soldiers in armor and masks with blood red capes shifting in the chilly yet choking breezing.
Gasps and screams could be heard from the huge gathering as the ship passed over them. But the guards kept a strict order. To our dismay, the ship landed near this horrible place, and guards quickly approached us. There was no point in hiding, fighting, or running. We let ourselves be captured without a struggle. As we were pushed through the crowd, we got a glimpse of how ruthless and uncaring this place was.
A woman cried as guards separated her from her husband. She screamed. “Please don’t take him away! Don’t make him do those things.” The man did not fight back. He hung his head and faded into the crowd, being taken from his family for some unexplained reason to be a slave.
We were not chained or shackled, but blood red robes were placed on us. The hoods covered our faces. A wide path was open before the ruler. We were positioned in the middle in a V-shape with me strangely in the center, at the apex. The guards shoved us down, forcing us to kneel.
I was the closest to the throne. I lifted my head slightly to see past the dark hood which obscured my vision. What appeared to be a young woman in a light grey dress sat on a black throne. I had never seen her before, yet something inside me said I knew her. I felt immense anger and hatred, as if she had taken everything from me and had destroyed all I had loved. I felt as if I wanted revenge on this woman. I felt as if I wanted to kill her.
She spoke in a commanding tone. “One of you is hiding your true self. You can either reveal yourself or my servants will do so. They can sense the difference in consciousness.”
Other woman moved from beside the throne and approached us. I felt as if I should know what she was talking about. I sensed that my friends were confused and didn’t know what she meant. That left me.
Suddenly a servant was behind me. A hand grasped my shoulder. I was jolted as the woman’s mind entered mine with a shock of pain. And memories flooded me. I remembered. I knew my true self.
I stood up, unafraid. I lifted my head and boldly pushed back the hood, looking the witch in the eye. “I’m the wolf therian. I’m the one you want.”
The witch smiled a sinister smile. “You are the one I’ve been hunting.” She stood and took a couple steps towards me. I tensed. Adrenaline filled my veins, and I reacted on instinct. Without much thought, I charged at her, throwing off the robe as I ran. As I did, I partially transformed into a wolf. My hands became paws. My face elongated into a muzzle. My teeth grew longer and sharper. It felt as if I were stronger, and fur covered most of my body.
The witch screamed and lifted her hand to cast a spell. I dodged to the side, placed my feet firmly under me, regained my balance, and leaped. An invisible force slammed me to the ground, knocking the air from my lungs. I was disoriented. I felt a weight on my chest as the witch placed a foot on me and prepared to strike with a dagger.
I rolled, throwing her off balance and to the ground. I didn’t waste the opportunity and pinned her down. I snarled, showing my fangs. I wanted to sink them into her thin pale neck. Rage boiled inside of me. Every muscle was drawn tight.
“Kill me,” she hissed, staring at me with cold silver eyes.
But I hesitated. Would anything really change if I killed her now?
“You can’t kill me,” she laughed. “You’re too weak.”
A soldier stepped up beside us and a blow to the back of my head made me go limp. I wasn’t completely unconscious, but I was paralyzed. I saw my friends in the distance, huddled together in fear and surrounded by guards. I briefly wondered what would happen to them because I had failed. I wanted to tell them I was sorry for not being strong enough. My eyes slowly closed and everything went black as soldiers dragged me away.

~~~

A light breeze made ripples on the water of a lake. The reflection of a half moon shimmered. My friends and I were relaxing on a veranda. It was quiet and peaceful. But I began to feel as if things were out of place. How did I get here?
The moon in the sky shimmered too. A ring of colors appeared and swirled around it. I felt pulled in as if my insides were also being twisted.
“Are you okay?” the guy closest to me asked. “You look sick.”
I was sick. Lights flashed before my eyes like fireworks. Sparks bounced across the water of the lake. Finally, I could take the disorientation no longer. I went to the rail and threw up. Thick green liquid was ejected from inside me, and my head started to clear. The illusion before my eyes broke and faded away. Memories returned again, in such a rush that I gagged and threw up more of the green liquid.
With my head clear, and a spell broken, I began to tell my friends the truth. They soon felt sick and purged their bodies of the mind controlling substance. Once they were retuning to themselves, old feelings rose to the surface within me. I had an unfinished task to complete. I felt the need for revenge.



Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Horse Spirit


Saturday night I dreamed of a horse. He was a very light brown, almost white, or what would be considered a "flea-bitten" coloration. He was very strong and spirited. In the beginning of the dream, even as he grazed in the field, a michevious, playful sparkle was in his eyes. When need be, this horse was calm and well-mannered. It seemed as if he was always aware of  my prescence and location. He seemed careful and caution of his strength because he didn't want to harm me when I was near him.

As the dream progressed, something happened and this amazing creature became sick. My efforts to give him good hay and food failed. I gripped his head and halter, desperately trying to make him swallow medicine. But nothing worked.

My family stands in the field on a sunny day, but I stand at a distance from them, alone and sad. The horse is gone. The field is empty. Then a man appears. I have never seen him before, and I don't know his name. If I recall correctly, his hair is dark brown. His jacket and clothing are more like that of a soldier, maybe from the 18th century, but it was definitely not modern. The man was calm and had gentle, caring eyes. He approached me and might have rested a hand on my arm or shoulder. Although he did not speak, he seemed to be communicating feelings to me, and he understood how I felt. However, I refused to be comforted at that time.

When the man moved away, he rested in the grass a short distance away. He motioned silently with a hand, asking me to come over to him. I was still standing, head held low with the burden of sadness and guilt at the horse's death. But I was growing tired. I finally lifted my head a little and glanced at the stranger in the grass, who was watching me with warm, un-judging eyes.

I slowly moved towards him. As I did, my pain and regret began to lift. With each step I felt better. My muscles, which had been tense and stiff, began to relax. I went down to my knees, felt the soft grass beneath my hands, and I rested my head on the man's chest. He put an arm around me, and I felt as if everything was okay. I felt as if all were forgiven. I closed my eyes. I felt comfortable and safe, and I fell asleep. My dream ended peacefully.

The horse in my dream was named Thunder. For many years he was a real friend to me. On December 17, 2008, I watched him die. It was a long and painful battle with collic. I can't imagine the pain Thunder felt. I admit, I still carry some sadness and guilt. I regret that I did not care for him more properly or give him more of my time and attention. But maybe there is no real reason to feel that way. Perhaps the man in my dream was Thunder in a human form, giving me comfort. I would like to believe this. The man did seem to have a strong connection to the grass and the earth. He was unafraid to be on the ground, and seemed very familiar with it and the grass. Also, the entire dream took place outside in the field that Thunder knew well.

It crosses my mind that the man could also be the wolf spirit that often appears in my dreams. He could have also taken human form to give me comfort after Thunder's death. But I don't think the man had the same type of energy that the wolf usually does. It felt different. I feel as if it's more likely that the man was the horse's spirit.

I also wonder why he was dressed in older clothing. It brings to mind a legend I might have heard a long time ago. I think it was about brave soldiers being reborn as horses in the next life. Perhaps the spirit learned and experienced what he needed to as a horse. After becoming aware of that, maybe the spirit returned in my dream to let me know that I shouldn't be sad any more. I can put some of my negative feelings and memories to rest. I hope that's true. I do feel as if I have another spirit and friend watching over me, and I am thankful for the pleasant ending of the dream.
 


Aubrey Wolf Daughter


Friday, February 20, 2009

Late Night Pondering


I find myself on a journey.

In an unfamiliar place on every level of existence.

Thrust here by events outside of my control.

Emotionally wavering between nothing and everything, mentally juggling emptiness, voids in thought and those times when thoughts fire so rapidly I can’t hold onto them all. Some ideas slip away never to be found again. Others remain and imbed themselves, never to leave. Physically cycling from restless energy to exhaustion. Moments when I feel like anything is possible to moments when each breath is surely my last. But I place one foot before the other. I do take another breath. I continue my journey.

A journey that every wolf takes, and if their trials can teach me anything, it is that all of my experiences are real. Every emotion, thought, and doubt is necessary.

I may not know where I am going or what my goal is, but I will discover it along the way…as I wander, at times seemingly without direction or purpose, sometimes looking over my shoulder at the past as I stray back into old habits, I find truth.

Without realizing it, certain ideas and beliefs attach themselves to my being, become part of me. As the journey goes on, these beliefs will manifest in my actions. I will act without thinking, guided by principles which have lodged themselves deep within my heart and soul.

And once I do realize what I am, what I truly believe, and my goal or purpose is clearly before me, I will be able to fight and die if necessary for what I hold dear, without any fear or regret.

So I am reminded that I am in the developmental stage of my journey. The end or conclusion, if there is one, lies far over a distant horizon that is not even within my sight…and won’t be for a long time.

One foot goes in front of the other…and sometimes I’m even running.

Events may happen along the way that threaten to break my spirit. Continuing may seem impossible, when some beliefs are shattered, faith crushed, and loyalty betrayed, but those things can be found again…but only if I keep going. There is no such thing as giving up. May that idea be permanent.

Even if I deny some truths for a while, the ones I need will repeat until I begin to accept new possibilities.

And what if I misinterpret the signs? How long could I waste time going in circles before I run out of time to learn the truth? What if I’m wrong and believe the lies instead of the truth? What if I become blind? How far can I stray and still be able to redeem myself? Is there a point at which a soul can no longer be reclaimed or saved from a darker path? .

But I said there was no giving up. There is no point at which forgiveness can not be obtained…from others and from within myself. Sometimes we must stray to learn lessons and find the truth.

So even through darkness and uncertainty, when I feel torn apart, I must not stop…even when I question every action and word, when everything is out of my control, and I feel like everything is wrong…I must not give up.

That is actually the point at which I could run the farthest, shine the brightest, and be the strongest and fiercest to show the world what I am and prove that I don’t lay down and die on command when things get hard.

And if I did find out that I was following only lies…what would I do? If everything was taken from me…what would I do?

Would my journey start over? Could I really keep moving forward? Or should I look back, shift through the past to find where I veered off course? Maybe the hardest trial is facing myself…breaking down all the barriers…making myself vulnerable in order to reach out… find hope…the tiniest grain of truth to lead me to a new beginning.

Aubrey Wolf Daughter

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Speed of Light


Last night my spirit beckoned me to run as if something awaited me or should be witnessed in the darkness. Although I did not go, a similar feeling suddenly returns tonight.

Physically, I sit still.
Inside, I feel my spirit move. A wind teases my fur.
I'm rushing forward. My spirit is a streak of light moving at lightspeed.
The stars and galaxies blur around me, creating a tunnel of color and light.
All is light and energy!
I don't know my destination, but that doesn't really worry me.
I'm no longer lost or searching for something in the dark.
I might finally have a destination.

But what has caused these feelings and inner shifts or journeys? I feel that the physical world and the people around me, including recent events, have catalyzed my spiritual state.

It's the small things. They have the greatest impact. A glance, a second of eye-contact, body position and body language can actually be the strongest communicators, trasmitting the greatest amount of information.

It's my spirit now having the ability to react with the spirits of others. Or rather, a stronger ability to recognize and understandhowmy spirit reacts to those around me. I might also understandwhymy spirit reacts the way it does to stimuli and why that makes me feel the way I do.

I feel held, lifted up by an energy that is warm and encouraging.
I stand taller, more confident, more aware of my surroundings.
My spirit soars through space now.
Within minutes, I have traveled an incomprehensible distance.
Farther than ever before. So far I can't possibly go back.
And I'm okay with that truth.

.....There is only forward.....being guided by something that calls to me, tugs on me.....

I can't know what the outcome will be, but I can't be afraid to find out.

Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could slow my momentum. I can't stop the events that have been set in motion.....but that doesn't really worry me either....


Aubrey Wolf Daughter